The desire to be the best!

People sometimes find me incredibly stupid.  But what they don’t know is this – I am a very, very competitive person.  And when I am with them, I cannot help but beat them at being stupid!

On the psyche of the married male

There are two kinds of homo sapiens, male and female.  Male homo sapiens are further divided into two categories, unmarried and married.  It is the latter species, the married male homo sapiens, and their characteristics, that we shall discuss today.  All male homo-sapiens start life as the same species with no visible differences in their physical or mental attributes, but a distinct change is observed in it’s behavioral pattern when it comes in contact with a female and decides to get married.  Although no evidence has yet been found to satisfactorily explain this phenomenon, it can be stated with some certainty that the male has to go through a secret ritual at the time of marriage, that transforms it into a completely different animal.  This metamorphosis can be identified by the following characteristics:

• Eating and drinking habits of the male undergo a drastic change.  More wholesome food becomes a part of it’s staple diet, which in turn results in an increase in it’s abdominal area.  Wine replaces beer as the drink of choice.
• The garment cleaning process, previously undertaken on an as needed basis becomes a weekly ritual, and an effort is made to improve it by the introduction of additional external agents like fabric softeners.
• A distinct change is observed in the social interactions of the male.  Loud Saturday night social gatherings at the local watering hole (read pub) are replaced by quiet dinners at home, with a few guests.
• The one kitchen knife that previously cut all is retired from service and replaced by a fleet of 17 knives, each designated for a different food item.  Articles in the kitchen are augmented by the inclusion of new items like food processors, coasters and colanders.
• There is a sudden increase in the knowledge database of the male, which now includes information about furniture outlet store locations, thread counts on bedsheets, female cosmetic products, and other similar previously unknown facts.

Apart from these, several other subtle changes are noticeable in the males, which vary according to the individual.  A large majority of males have been observed to follow this evolutionary path.  However, opinion among social anthropologists is still divided over it’s long term advantages and disadvantages in the race for survival.  Whether the loss of a simplistic lifestyle and individual freedom is a price, worthwhile to pay, in return for a certain degree of respect and acceptability in society, is a question open to discussion.

The Night Rider

He turned the car sharply to the left and surveyed the scene in front of him.  It was dark, and the rain was pouring down.  He had to stay focused and alert if he was to succeed at this; he knew he was not the only one out there.  At this time of the night, the odds were stacked against him.  He slammed on the brakes; he saw a light 100 yards to his right.  He had a window of 15 seconds to do this.  Heart thumping in his chest, he pushed down on the gas pedal.  The car slipped on the wet ground, but he managed to regain control.  He kept narrowing the gap, never slowing down; until he knew he was not to be defeated.  He let out a cry of triumph as he pulled into the only vacant parking space!

P.S.  True story.  Happened to me yesterday.